The Process Complete.

So last night was the big one. The Graduation ceremony for class six.

KOTO well wishers numbered around 500, they came they clapped, they cheered and a few shed tears too.

It was a lavish affair that beffitted the kids' achievements. Pop stars, choirs, pyrotechnics, falling balloons, specially scored music, specially made films etc etc etc. It was all in their honour.

Did I cry? No, well not really. I welled up frequently. I took several moments at several times to compose myself. I hugged, I reassured - I stole KOTO posters from the walls to sneak to the graduates as souvenirs. I didn't say goodbye. I know they won't be able to stay away. I won't see them as often. But I will see them.

Because, like all the times at KOTO when the moment becomes overwhelming, it's only later that I try to put in context my emotions.

And the emotion isn't sadness. It's not quite happiness either. To best explain it I think I would have to say it's the process of being humbled.

The KOTO kids are a reflection of the country they are from. They've had it tough. They've had to fight. They've given their all and worked hard without complaints. And some how they have turned out magnificently.

It is that which is truly humbling.

Another volunteer said goodbye today and I reflectd on the goodbyes I will be giving in nine months. Emotionally I can't imagine getting through that. Because while you build ties with the kids they ultimately come and go. The staff that I have worked with since the start are remarkable and they have been my constant in this big KOTO family.

Today I am just so proud to be a part of it.

* The pic above is one of my own - a KOTO graduate with his proud family visiting from their countryside home. Expect more pics soon from the pro photgrapher at the event.

Emotion Building

It's late and I'm lying awake pondering the KOTO Class Six Graduation.

On Monday I helped out with art class - the kids are painting pictures for the new restaurant. They told me that Tuesday would be their last day in the current KOTO.

I got up early to catch them for breakfast. They queued up to ceremonially make me their last banana pancakes, orange juice and cappucino.

The rest of the day was not so fun. I had a million Powerpoint slides to do for the big night and the end was never in sight. It started early, it finished very late.

But Wednesday was better. G-day minus one and things were falling into place. The morning was a little tense though. Some of my late night Powerpointing was not being unduly praised and I took it badly. I was huffing and puffing around the office trying not to take my stress out on my colleagues who are all too serene, Vietnamese and beautiful to understand my moods.

And then Miss Lung came into the office. One of the soon-to-be-graduates. I heard her talking to a colleague as I tried my best to concentrate on my long over due work. Just as I was assuming the position of hands-on-ears-trying-to-type-with-elbows, I felt arms around my neck.

Then I felt tears against my cheek. Miss Lung doesn't want to leave KOTO. I don't want her to leave either. I'll miss her and class six. But I know that wherever she works they'll love here. She's a star - this amazing confident young woman who 18 months ago barely had the confidence to raise a whisper.

Then later the banner I had designed was delivered. It's huge. I had included pictures of all the trainees on it. They knew nothing about it and it was unfurled with surpise and appreciation. Watching them looking forward to their big day, and feeling proud of the special occasion we are creating for them, was incredible.

I finished at a respectable 9pm. Everything appears to be in hand. I would have got away sooner but for all the cigarrette breaks where I dissappeared to supress the lump in my throat and blink away the watery eyes. It's been that kind of day. The emotion is building.

Now it's 1am on g-day and I am realising there will be no hiding place. Crying in public seems slightly scarey right now, but I can't imagine avoiding it.

Pic of Lung, Chien and Hien - all graduating tonight and saying goodbye to KOTO.

Up, up into the Mountains

It seems incredible to think that I have been in Vietnam for over a year and a half and this weekend was my first trip to Sapa.

It's not always easy to get away and when I can the beach so often calls.

I loved it. And I'll be back. Once the stresses of KOTO Graduation are over with I itend to return for a long weekend. What I'd really love is an isolated cabin. Does anyone know of such things in Sapa? I know that cabin, huts and bungalows are rare in Vietnam - it's a shame. The concept of "roughing it" hasn't really caught on.

Anyway, the pics didn't come out too well because most of the time we were surrounded by clouds. But Sapa is beautiful. Not just the mountains which I had already seen on a million postcards, but also the town and it's people.

Photoset here if you want to see some more shots.

Download Burn and Ride

Inspired by this short post by the Pieman about the joys of flying around Vietnam on the front or back of a motorbike I was moved to put together the ultimate in xe-om listening.

The pic above is my regular driver who hangs out on Quang Trung.

Anyway, I've discovered my 15 minute trip to work in the morning is greatly enhanced by music. So, here is a CD's worth of tracks below that I find work best for this purpose. Download, burn and ride.

NB Probably not suitable if you are driving yourself - you'll need your one, two, three four, five - senses working oooovvver time.

1. Another Travellin' song - Bright Eyes
2. The Revolution with not be Televised - Gil Scot Heron
3. Visions of You - Jah Wobble/Sinead O' Connor
4. I'm the Man - Joe Jackson
5. Reason is Treason - Kasabian
6. Open Up - Leftfield and John Lydon
7. Motorcycle Emptiness - Manic Street Preachers
8. Holes - Mercury Rev
9. Irish Blood, English Heart - Morrissey
10. La La Love You - Pixies
11. Acquiesce - Oasis
12. 2+2=5 - Radiohead
13. Which Way is Out - Razorlight
14. Coz I Love You - Slade
15. Teenage Riot - Sonic Youth
16. Alternative Ulster - Stiff Little Fingers
17. Pyscho Killer - Talking Heads
18. Lonely Soul - U.N.K.L.E

The First Goodbye

Expect much much more on this. But next Thursday is our KOTO class six graduation.

Last night was the kind of unnoffical staff goodbye to them. First off hotpot/lau followed by the inevitable karaoke session.

With graduation plans still being put in place, I'm manic right now and will write in greater depth on it all after the event. Suffice to say, I have been around these kids for 18 months and have watched them grow from being a rag tag bunch of street kids into the beautiful, confident adults they are today.

I can only say, without any hesitation, that I would be proud to have any last one of them as a young brother/sister, son or daughter. They are remarkable human beings.

Celebrating their achievements, and contemplating their departure, is going to be a massive mix of emotions.

If you want to see some very happy kids from last night then look here. Not sure if this will work (let me know) but there is a short film of them arriving on their bikes for karaoke too. You'll find that here. I'm in the pic above, I'll let you guess which one is me.

* Update - Have been told that the film works but took five minutes on adsl. Probably best not to bother if you're on dial up. I am sure there is a way of making it smaller but god knows how.

A bit of balance

I wanted to write this piece...and add it straight away to balance the last entry.

Last weekend I was invited to a countryside wedding. The bride and groom were both KOTO graduates. They both now work in the hospitality industry.

We boarded the mini bus and, as is traditional, there were parties at both the bride and groom's house. Having eaten and rice wined at the grooms we set off to see the bride.

She was looking amazing and was surrounded by family in her modest countryside home. Our group of KOTO volunteers were given seats of honour as the family gathered round us.

Then the mother of the bride started to speak. She told us, via a translator how proud she was of her daughter. Who would have thought it? Her daughter, working at the Hilton. She wanted to thank us all. She was in tears. And then we were in tears.

So there. That's it. The balance. The young girl from the countryside building a career serving ex-pats and tourists. The ends justifty the means.

Doesn't it?

Yet more stuff about ex-pats

You'’ve seen it in the movies. Year of Living Dangerously, Passage to India, The Killing Fields, Godfather 2 to name but a few.

The setting is somewhere far flung and tropical. The camera shows the streets. Sweltering and dusty. Then it cuts to the local people, huddled in their homes or on street corners. They look dangerously thin and obviously malnourished.

Then it cuts again. To an Embassy, a bar or hotel.

Waiters aside, it's full of over fed, very drunk white people. They'’re giving the waiters a hard time.

Then the film cuts again. The malnourished people are in frame once more. As the camera zooms in, it becomes obvious that there must be a famine or perhaps they are victims of war. Sometimes they are depicted as angry, sometimes they are shown to plotting.

It's every British Raj movie and a hundred other movies besides.

That was certainly my view of ex-pats before I came here. I think that is the worldwide view of ex-pats. Or at least those in developing nations.

Is the film depiction close to reality. Well, let's just say it's too close for comfort.

Am I guilty of it? Yes I am. I hope that my day job to a certain extent clears me of the worst of the blame but yes, I am guilty. It's the way of life of the ex-pat. I would guess that ex-pats drink more than the "“folks back home". There isn't much else to do.

And without exception the people who bring you the drinks, and your food, and clean you house are local people. It can make you very very lazy. I'm trying not to make a judgement on this. The waiters, the chefs, the maids etc - they are all earning money and your custom pays their wages.

But even knowing this I feel uncomfortable. There are certainly places in town that I don't go because the movie version of ex-pats is there in abundance. But we are all guilty.

And I think the longer you stay the longer you get used to that idea. The first time I offered to wash up in an ex-pat house I shuddered when my host said: “Leave it, the maid will do it in the morning”. Now, I'm afraid, I leave the washing up for my maid.

I find myself worrying that I am running out of clean clothes when the maid isn'’t coming for two more days. Despite the fact that there is nothing to stop me washing the clothes myself.

Is this what you become? Am I destined to be the movie ex-pat villain, stuffing my face, sweating profusely and shouting at a befuddled waiter to be quicker with the drinks.

I hope not. But you can see it happening over time.

In the meantime I will console myself that at least I am not this guy. I actually read this article when I first arrived in Vietnam and I was horrified. I just Googled it now in order to include it.