Finally...a new home for KOTO

You may recall I used to blog a lot about "A new home for KOTO". Time was running out, we needed $80,000 USD, we needed it fast.

The awesome KOTO restaurant that had touched the lives of 200 young kids from street and disadvantaged backgrounds was to be no more. We had six months to find and fund a new place or the unthinkable would happen - no more KOTO.

So the fundraising started and so did the search. We found what we thought was the ideal spot and we even announced it to the press. Then it didn't work out and we were back to sqare one.

In the meantime we negotiated an extension at our current slot.

On my computer I have pictures of four potential "new KOTOs", their was the one above, the super modern but badly located place and the awesomely located but bureacratically complicated place.

And then we found our newest new place. One or two of the staff checked it out first and they came back glowing. The landlord was nice, the space fullsome, the location perfect.

So I went down with a group of staff and we wondered around in a daze. Not only would it hold twice the number of customers, it was also large enough to include our training centre. Yes, it was a rent rise compared to our current restaurant but we would actually be saving money because we wouldn't have to pay an additional rent for training space.

The customer space is fantastic too. Space for a small cafe at the front. A beautiful open air courtyard at the back. A formal function room upstairs and a comfortable coffee room just perfect for filling with sofas, low tables and magazines.

It hasn't been without problems. Shoe horning a kitchen in was tricky. Even harder was an additional training kitchen. But it all should fit. Well just about.

We've had swanky designers and architects look at the place. And we've had beautiful plans back. In short though, while the architects will help us with the shoehorning - the decoration will be done by us.

And so...it's paint brushes at the ready and KOTO teamwork all round. This week we have had a goup of visitors from South Korea (plus film crew) who have been helping us decorate - alongside the KOTO kids (pictured above).

We're not just decorating ourselves to save money - although that is obviously a consideration. We want the kids to invest in the new place. We don't want swanky - we want warm and comfortable. A little bit of rusticness is no bad thing.

Ooh...I nearly forgot. The location?

Okay, you're going to have to wait or work it out for yourself from the pics. But, those of you who know Hanoi, it's a street back and two minutes walk from Hoan Kiem. The perfect place to be.

Of course a million things could go wrong yet and they probably will. But this seems do-able and can cement the future of KOTO for many many years.

The uncertainty of the new KOTO made 2005 a tough year (the best, most toughest year of my life). So far 2006 is showing great promise.

Staying...for the timebeing at least.

As many of you will be aware, I have been mulling over the "should I stay or should I go" question.

On a bad day I wondered whether I would make it to the end of my current term which finishes in August.

On a good day. Well, on a good day, and there have been many, it felt like I should stay forever.

But there are other things I want to do with my life and other places to go. And I always reasoned that I should leave Vietnam while I was still in love with the place.

And so I have come to a decision. I first decided upon it a couple of weeks back. I have lived with it and I feel comfortable with it. So today I wrote to my employers and VSO.

In short I will see out my two years and I will extend to Christmas. In late spring/summer we will finally move to the new KOTO (more news soon) and we can start the marketing job of trying to take our customers with us.

But also I have total faith in my marketing colleague. It's time I left her to fulfill her potential and take over completely.

And what next?

Well home for Christmas, and there is a fledgling street kids project on the other side of the world I would like to spend a few months with.

And then? Well that's simple - another two years with VSO if they'll have me.

The usual rules apply - potluck. Let's just see where I end up.

The decision feels right. I feel good about it. No more changes of mind I hope. I'll let you know when its rubber stamped.

Now you're on your own and you've got nothing to fear

At half past nine this morning I was sat all alone at my customary spot at the counter in the KOTO restaurant.

There was something jazzy and melancholy on the stereo and once more there was a lump in my throat.

I had come in early to help Class Six with their interview techniques. Their time with us is coming to and end and today they're off visiting would-be employers.

Five minutes before, with the kids looking smart in their interview outfits of black trousers and white shirts, I had taken a group photo (above) outside the restaurant and waved them off and wished them good luck.

Of course, they have one more month with us, but it hit home that they would be leaving us soon.

And there they were, proud, upright, confident, beautiful, beautiful kids. Ready to take everything KOTO has taught them and use it to build a life and a career.

Their graduation is at the end of March. KOTO graduations are extraordinary. Imagine it, a group of former rag-tag post card sellers and shoe shiners, being celebrated in the grand surrounds of a five star hotel. In the audience are senior members of the Vietnamese government, ambassadors from several countries, tv crews, press and assorted VIPs. And alongside them are their families from the countryside - who we literally have to drag in from outside, and tell them...yes, this is for you too.

And the kids will sing and dance. Receive their certificates, get their photos taken and they'll be gone.

Of course we will see them again. They remain KOTO family but they will have their own lives to live. I will miss them all.

I can't overstate just how magical this place is. What an awesome job it does and how fantastic it is to work here. Today I waved off a group of smart, confident, happy young adults, almost a year and a half after I said hello to a disheveled group of nervous, scruffy young kids.

And I am proud. Proud of KOTO. Proud of the kids. Proud of being part of this organisation and their young lives. And sometimes, whisper it quietly, I'm proud of me too.

Ten minutes later, I jumped on the back of motorbike I went back to the training centre to get on with my work. And all the way back this song was going around my head.

Why I hate being called an ex-pat...

Because to my mind, people like this are ex-pats.

Can't they come up with a new term for the rest of us?

Oh and he's quoted me very much out of context...and he used the phrase "to die for". Undoubtedly the most irritating phrase in the world.

Ah yes...a country club, swimming pool, new pair of shoes, a hand bag, tirama-bloody-su etc etc. If you think they are "to die for" you really do need to a) think about what your saying and b) seek some new horizons and c) get a life, a proper one.

Getting carried away

Okay so officially I am here to fundraise and help out with a bit of PR, marketing and the whole general communications thing.

Unofficially, the pictures below are a better representation of how I spend my time. I just discovered the shots on our photo library here. Enjoy.

Oh and I would like to add my weight to this campaign. Plus the cumulatively comparative weight of 64 KOTO trainees, 30 staff and 80 million Vietnamese.

Ups and Downs in Hanoi

Before you embark on your stint with VSO you go through a number of training courses.

For the most part they’re good. Very good. And when I meet some volunteers, from certain organisations who haven’t been through this process, I realise how valuable it is. It sets you up well for the adventure you are about to embark on.

But, as I may have written before, the piece of wisdom that stuck in my mind was that the highs and lows of volunteer living will be extreme.

They told us of how at home you rely on your “framework of support”. Your family, friends, partners etc and stripped of that you function differently.

And it’s true. I have talked here of a drug-like euphoria that I have enjoyed at times. I can’t overstate it – it’s welled up inside me and burst out of me in the shape of the widest grin. I’ve told of wanting to climb the one-pillar pagoda and shout from the top: “I Love Vietnam!”

It really is that strong. And the thought that always hits me, after over a decade of frustrating office work, is that I had never realised I could have a life like this.

But yes there are the downs too. It can be lonely at times. And the loneliness is compounded not just by the people you left behind but also of saying goodbye to people you know as they move on.

And of the whole Vietnam experience this has been the hardest part for me. Ex-pat living. We’re a strange bunch. Divided by nationalities, age, wealth and work. The Pieman told me early on in my stay that ex-pats tend to have wild social life for the first six months after they arrive. Then you have to find something else to fill your time. And it’s true.

You can’t keep living like that and it’s what you do next, that is the hard part. I still haven't cracked that post social-whirl period I still haven't worked out the next step.

So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about what is next in my life and what I really want to do. What I try to remind myself in all aspects of my life here is that the lows are not Vietnam’s fault. Just as when the computers break at work and I have to remind myself it’s not because they are Vietnamese…it’s because, well, that’s what computers do. They’ve malfunctioned everywhere I've ever worked.

So likewise the lows aren’t Vietnam’s fault either. I had lows at home too. And, you know what? I can’t remember nearly as many highs. Certainly there was nothing even approaching the aforementioned euphoria.

But anyway, these highs and lows are partly prompted by my ongoing struggle as to decide that question of what follow this?

What comes after two-year VSO Vietnam stint? More Vietnam? The same kind of work but somewhere else? Somedays I make a decision. Then the next day I make another one.

Anyway…in a bid to evaluate my time here I’ve been reading back over a few blog entries. Here's a top ten. They start on my old blog and come right up to date.

1. Hearing the Good News – (Space Hardware Blog)
2. Why VSO and why now?
3. Empty Rooms
4. Just Arrived
5. My first experience of the effects of Agent Orange
6. Christmas Miracles
7. The KOTO Live Aid Moment
8. Visting Vietnam? Read this. The most linked post I have ever written.
9. Falling in Love
10. Something I should read every time I feel down. To my mind still the best thing I have ever written on a blog. It wrote itself and it still brings back the same emotions every time I read it.

*The picture, as ever, is of the KOTO kids. Whatever the ups and downs they remain consistently wonderful.

Beautiful Vietnam

We received a disc containing KOTO's recent appearance on BBC World. It also unfortunately included me...man...maybe I shouldn't put myself up forward for interviews. Along side all the beautiful Vietnamese trainees was the big lump that is me. It's not conducive to looking good. Us westerners just aren't as aesthetically pleasing.

Anyway, I had hoped to upload it here but have since been advised by the BBC that I'm not allowed, but they are going to cut us another version that will be okay to use. I'll include it as soon as I receive it.

In the meantime, I got sent this link to a short film of some of the most beautiful parts of Vietnam. Okay so it doesn't all look like this. But a large proportion does. If you're thinking of coming here on your holidays then watch the film and then go ring the travel agent.

Film here with sound.

The Development Paradox

Just back from my Tet holiday. It was something of a long haul that started in Hanoi, taking in Hoi An, Nha Trang and Mui Ne before ending in Saigon where I hopped on a plane back to the capital.

But anyway, 1,700 kms is a lot of miles by bus and one horrific 12 hour trip between Hoi An and Nha Trang was completed with dead Ipod batteries and no book to read.

So you get to thinking. And the places that you stop at make you think a little more. But of all the stops it was Nha Trang that made me think the most.

I had been there four years ago and had a great time. Repeatedly I learn you should never go back to a place you loved. It will never be the same. And of course it wasn't. Nha Trang has always been a shade seedy but last time I was there it was still beautiful. Tatty beach bars had atmosphere, hotels were cheap but clean and friendly and the beach itself was beautiful.

I didn't take to Nha Trang this time around. The beach was dirty, the city skyline had become dominated by huge hotels, the smiles had dimmed a little.

But this is the aforementioned "development paradox". As a volunteer worker I am supposedly part of a whole army of development workers. But in essence we are working at developing a country that we love as it is. Because like it or not development is big hotels, more tourists, apartment stores etc.

And it's an often stated badge of pride among ex-pats who live here that Vietnamese streets don't have the Starbucks, McDonalds and the like that dominate cities elsewhere. As with everyone else I'm glad they're not here....but is that just development too? Is my wanting these big name stores to stay away a selfish attitude? It's all jobs. It's all money in someone's pocket. Probably training too. Is flipping burgers in an air con surround a better job than standing up to your knees in mud, planting rice in the fields?

A friend who worked with an ethnic group in a far flung corner of Vietnam told me that visiting tourists had started to complain that the traditional old wooden huts were being replaced by "non authentic" brick buildings. But as she said...who wouldn't prefer to live in a water tight, cool home? And what right do we have to stop this progress?

One book I did read (finally) while I was away was The Quiet American. I had loved the film and had been meaning to buy the book for a while. One line that stuck with me was part of an argument between the two central characters. It's an argument that still strikes a chord...does democracy really matter to the average person in Vietnam? Is it even an issue? What part does it play in the average life of the Vietnamese and a culture that dates back centuries?

Fowler the English man says (paraphrased as I remember it): "Will New York and London still be here in 500 years? I doubt it. But here they'll still be wearing conical hats, planting rice, still ploughing the fields with buffalos and carrying their crops to market on wooden poles".

Other than democracy though, it made me question the statement itself. I can imagine in the 50s when the book was written, that it was unimaginable that this lifestyle would be left behind. It had been that way for centuries. But now, I am not so sure. The cities are growing in wealth and farm work remains back breaking hard word for very little money. Surely the farming will become more commercial and large scale and the displaced rural workers will find their way to the more affluent cities.

And again, Vietnam without the ladies in conical hats with their produce on polls is unthinkable. But it'll happen. Just as Starbucks will happen. And it's progress of a sort and will no doubt lead to a better quality of living for many.

So are the development workers just trying to create a facsimile of the western cities and cultures they left behind? Maybe.

Am I happy with being part of that? I think so, just about.

Would I still love the place as much when it has changed?

Probably not.

Would I still want to live here.

Again probably not.

*Picture taken during my time in Hoi An. The full set is here.

KOTO on the Beeb website

Cool. Very cool.

* Currently posting from Nha Trang during tet break. Heading to the Sailing Club in Mui Ne tomorrow.