Chicken licken (The sky is falling in!)

The nice people at www.webmd.com have asked if I would be good enough to give further Vietnam perspectives on the whole bird flu thing. Webmd people.... cut and paste from here:

There’s two words that keep cropping up in discussions here about the Avian virus and it’s got nothing to do with chickens.

It’s the millennium bug. Remember that? Remember the cheer when the clock struck 12 and then the intake of breath as you awaited planes falling from the sky and cars veering off roads.

We were told it would happen. It didn’t. And afterwards there wasn’t much in the way of finger pointing as to why the doomsday predictions didn’t come true. I think for the most part we all thought we had been pretty much conned by the IT consultants. I think we all thought it would be less embarrassing if we just let it go and quietly dropped the subject.

But that’s business I guess. Before I came to do voluntary work in Vietnam I worked for a PR company. Imagine then that you work in PR and your client is a fowl expert, a drug producer or an agricultural adviser. What are you doing right now? Well you’re lobbying your government for increased funds. You’re writing opinion articles for the press (the scarier the better).Your putting out newsletters to the database telling them of the horrors of Avian flu and how your client can help you combat it.

It’s a potential worldwide pandemic. It’s a potential goldmine, for some, too.

No harm in the press repeating these scare stories either. It all sells papers. Remember “45 minutes from attack” – that wasn’t true either.

I’ve written before on what I’ve called the chicken race here in Vietnam. Namely the fact that it seems to me that no one is going to wait for tests that prove human to human spread of the disease. Because once it is proven then borders will already be closed to us ex-pats.

So what will happen?

Well, my guess would be that at the slightest rumour of any human to human spread no one is going to hang around for official confirmation. They’ll be on planes home while they still can. One embassy will decide to go then the chain reaction will start and everyone will be gone.

And for embassy staff that won’t be such a bad deal. They’ll get to see their families back home. They’ll be on full pay. For volunteers it’s not so great – our subsistence wage doesn’t exactly go too far in the west.

But all that pales into insignificance compared with what we leave behind. What becomes of my employer KOTO? A charity set up five years ago to help provide hospitality industry training for streetkids – it survives because of the restaurant we run that caters for tourists. No tourists – no customers – no money.

And what happens to my Vietnamese colleagues?

Or what about my friend who runs a bar in Hanoi? He’s sweated blood alongside his staff to make it work. And it is working. And he’s providing jobs for young people.

What about the cyclo drivers, the hotel staff or the family who have borrowed money to pay for a hotel?

And of course if the nightmare scenario of human to human spread does occur then the borders have to close. Countries will be no go areas. But what about right now? Will this all blow over, like SARS before it? Leaving little behind except a heavily dented tourist industry.

So far it’s good for the consultants and the drug companies – but bad for the cyclo driver in Hanoi. Even while borders are still open, people are going to think twice before visiting Vietnam.

So are the scare stories justified? Is that how you get though to government? Or do they just sell newspapers and ultimately sell consultancy services and medical drugs?

And living here, of course, I have tried to keep up to date with what is happening. One day I read that the odds of human to human spread are 10,000-1. The next day I read that it WILL happen. No doubts, no odds, just certainty.

I can’t say it won’t happen. And I can’t blame people for planning for the worst.

But in the meantime it’s livelihoods that are being messed with here. Tourism offers a way for Vietnam to grow and for individuals to carve out a good career. Vietnam appears to be turning the corner. The improvements in living standards here are to be seen everywhere. And year on year it gets better.. Vietnam does not need a setback.

And putting aside the doomsday hype, what if it really does happen? All of those of us who work here to hopefully help improve living standards – do we leave our Vietnamese colleagues and friends to face this pandemic? We’re glad to stand shoulder to shoulder with them during times of hardship…but not too hard. Sorry guys, I’m on the plane..have my box of Tamiflu I’m out of here.

The Tamiflu thing is strange. Many of us lucky rich foreigners have been issued the little boxes. But the only situation that I would ever get to use it would be if I was the first person I know to get the disease. Otherwise, when my colleague’s mother’s friend’s daughter gets ill – they’ll come asking for my Tamiflu. What am I going to say… “Sorry mate, tough luck that’s mine…just in case I get sick sometime in the distant future”?

And we’re told there will be no doctors to treat us. There will be doctors – the same doctors that always treat our Vietnamese colleagues. Just not the western doctors that our healthcare cover pays for in the “international” clinics. They will have left too.

So if the embassy orders come asking us to evacuate (if we can beat the border closures), what will I do?

I’d love to think that I’d be macho and stay and stick with KOTO while trying to work out how the hell we can keep it going without tourists.

But I don’t know. I really don’t know. Staying in the centre of a pandemic without health insurance is not smart. Not when you have family at home worrying about you. Not when you have the option and the means to leave.

We can just hope it never comes. And if that’s the case then the scare stories will be just another doomsday that didn’t dawn. And in the meantime there will be people and industries that got rich on the warnings and the panic.

But it’s not helping anyone here.

* Just wanted to add – as ever my Vietnamese colleagues think we are all crazy when we discuss all of this repeatedly. They don’t panic here in the same way that us soft westerners do. Blame it partly on managed news sources here, but mostly on the attitude of “why worry if there’s nothing I can do about it”. If Vietnam is the front line against the disease then you wouldn’t know it – except in our little ex-pat bubbles.

I would still advise anyone to come to Vietnam. It remains the most incredible place I have ever been.

Nationalism

I had a brief discussion/argument about nationalism over lunch. Basic upshot was that as a Brit I kind of shun all nationalism and am vaguely embarassed by the concept. Too much history, too many bad things done etc

I wouldn't want to take the blame for our past so I'll give any credit due a body swerve too.

In general that seems to be the attitude of Brits - we'll leave the nationalism to football hooligans, right wing mps and dodgy (Australian owned) tabloids.

Aussie's have a different perspect. They'll gladly and proudly live up to their stereotype instead of downplaying it. The social calendar here is dominated by Australian celebrations from Australia Day to the Melbourne Cup. For a nation that travels so much they love their country. I don't understand - any comments welcome.

Anyway, this was all a roundabout way of introducing this fledgling blog. It plugs KOTO and it plugs our cyclo friends, and it says nice things about this blog but that's not why I like it. There's not much there so read it all.

Maybe I like it because that is what I hope Vietnamese people think. And I think the reason that I don't like nationalism for major powers like the US, Britain and Australia is that, more often that not, we have been the agressors. We've been the bullies.

In Vietnam's case, with it's history, nationalism seems both right and a force for good. I like this blogger.

Pssst mate..over here...wanna buy some megapixels?

I really do have no self discipline.

I've always been a bit of an impulsive shopper. To explain - yesterday I mentioned that I was becoming a little less attached to my poorly pixelated digital camera. Then, this morning I found some dollars that I had stashed and forgotten about.

You can guess the rest. I went shopping. Anyway, I'm still getting the hang of my new purchase but these pics are from my 15 minute walk home along the southern end of Hoan Kiem lake and up Quang Trung Street.

It struck me that Hanoi was looking like Hanoi should. These tranquil looking tree-lined streets seem at odds with the motorbike traffic that usually revs and beeps up and down them. And Autumn suits Hanoi too. The summer heat somehow doesn't quite fit right. Hanoi doesn't look tropical, I guess because the French influence pervades so much of it.

So on a quieter day, in a cooler season, Hanloi is just about perfect.

*I should mention that the guy with the scooter is my whooping xe om driver, mentioned a couple of posts back.

Master of None

So there I was, in Le Pub, a few beers down, my Ipod plugged into the sound system, enjoying some good music and conversation and generally winding down for the weekend.

And the beep beep beep of my phone went and there was a text. Could I take some black and white photos for a calendar featuring development projects in Asia? No one else is available and the KOTO kids were all lined up to meet me at the restaurant bright and early the next day.

So there goes the lie in. Trouble is I'm no photographer. My measly 4.1 megapixel camera produces an image that looks a tad blurry to my eyes compared to its more megapixalated younger brothers and sisters.

Anyway, a flurry of text messages failed to convince my colleague that I wasn't the man for the job. So me and six kids acted like idiots around the Temple of Literature for a couple of hours. In the end we came out with the shots you see here. What do you think?

As I have mentioned before somewhere along the line I have become a designer, a photographer and a web expert. Don't they know just how out of my depth I am?

Still, if I'm honest I love it. There are two more weblogs in the pipe line that I am setting up for people to follow the delights of www.extremecharity.info and www.kotobikeride.com.

I'm starting to get embarrassed about the weblog thing. For the record - this site looks like a dog dinner right now and I need to sort it out. Secondly these other weblogs for KOTO projects have not been my idea. Don't get me wrong they're perfect for both uses - but I start to get paranoid that people are going: "Oh Christ,has he done another weblog?". Anyway, people keep asking me and I keep doing them.

As for the photographer thing - I know how that is going to end up. I'll eventually persuade myself that I really do, honestly, need that new camera.

So I guess I can't fail here. Tell me you love the pics and I'll be smug about them for a couple of days. Tell me they're not up to scratch and that camera will be added to my personal shopping list.

Twenty things that make me smile in Vietnam

Find paradise on a swan pedallo


1. The Whooping Xe Om Driver. When I catch a motorbike taxi in the morning, the regular guy who drives me literally punches the air and whoops when he sees me coming. And I don’t think it’s just because I pay western rates.

2. Pizza Box Gifts. Bizarrely there is money in pizza boxes. When I take them out to the rubbish, someone always asks if they can have it. When you had it over it’s like you’ve presented a small personal gift. Lots of smiles and lots of thank-yous. Honestly mate – it’s a pizza box, please…take it.

3. Kiddies on Scooters. This is old hat for ex-pats, but still makes me grin. I am sorry but toddlers standing on the cross bars of scooters as they whiz past still makes me grin like an idiot.

4. “Make you strong”. Anything that is likely to make you puke, cringe, or very very sick – you are told will “make you strong”. And it’s kind of said with a half wink. I think the English equivalent is – “it puts lead in your pencil”.

5. The Chuckling Taxi Driver at Ngoc Ha. I love this guy. He literally cries with laughter the whole trip and it’s infectious – anything can start him off. He looks like a Vietnamese Mike Myers.

6. Dudes. There is something about Vietnamese dudes. Honda motorbikes, slicked back hair, shades. Cool. Very cool.

7. Winking. Getting stared at by a young girl still fascinated by big western lumps? A wink and a smile will see her dissolve into embarrassed giggles.

8. Oi troi oi. Again – probably over used to boredom levels by ex-pats but it is a handy phrase to know. It means literally “oh my god”, but even if you speak no other Vietnamese you can say it to anyone and it gets big laughs. Handy for diffusing tension in times of negotiation. It will be repeated by everyone of the watching crowd trying to work out what the hell the big tay wants.

9. The Trip Home. After a good night out that xe om ride home always seems like a celebration. A belly full of beer and a giggling xe om driver and you whiz home through the empty streets. Even better if there are two of you on two bikes. Even better with singing. Twenty greatest xe om hits include such classics as: “There’s only one Ho Chi Minh” and “I love Vietnam – do dah doo dah day”.

10. Boom Boom. No I don’t indulge but when an..ahem.. “lady of the night” offers you her services by saying: “hey…you want boom boom?” – you can’t help but smile as you politely decline.

11. Dep. It means beautiful. And when you see a stunning look woman walk by and you catch the eye of a Vietnamese male in your party and you just say “dep” and he nods conspiratorially and says “dep”.

12. The Hagglers Face. I do it now without even thinking. You argue over prices and when you aren’t happy with the price being offered you do this look which is a combination of an exaggerated frown and a pushing your chin as low as possible. Combine with big sad eyes and it’s a winner.

13. Exercise Classes. Seen by Hoan Kiem lake early morning and early evening – what must have been what public schools used to call “physical jerks” is now fast becoming a kind of funky jazzercise thing. When I see all the old dears it makes me think of my mum and her mates going to oldies’ aerobics back home.

14. Schools Out. Finding yourself within 100 yards of a school and chucking out time which appears to be three times a day. All of a sudden you’re elbow deep in kids with at least 50% of then shouting “allo”, “what your name?”, “how are you”. Brilliant.

15. Blokes. “When you have rice every day sometimes you want noodle”. One of the many great sayings repeated in my time here by Vietnamese lotharios.

16. Swan Pedallos. Vietnamese people don’t have sex before marriage – well that’s the official line. The teenage abortion rates tell her a different story. So where do they go for privacy? Westlake in the dark on the ridiculous swan shaped pedallos. The percentage of kids conceived on pedalloes is huge. Probably.

17. Tiger Balm. It’s cracking stuff. I’ve used it soothe mosquito bites, muscle strains and heat rash. If you are a local you can add virtually every know ailment and condition to that list. Heart attack – no problem – slap on a bit of Tiger Balm

18. Stool Sample. Just a single anecdote but I’ve been told it a hundred times by KOTO graduates. One trainee had a stomach bug and was asked to provide a stool sample. Too embarrassed by the whole process, he paid his class mate to do it for him. So funny on so many levels.

19. The Neighbourhood. Woken up in a bad mood? By the time I have gone fifty yards from my house I’ve been wished a cheery “xin ciao” by my landlord, land lady, the papershop guy, the tea shop girl, the xe-om drivers, and twenty kids outside my house playing football…well I’m smiling again.

20. Ong Gia. 70% of the population here are under 30 – that’s what it such a vibrant, buzzing place. The downside is at 34 I’m ong gia – old man. It started with the KOTO kids calling me it. Some how it caught on. Now people who I swear I have never met in my life shout it at me in the streets and chuckle.

Sign up!

www.kotobikeride.com

The Chicken Race

One of the joys of not living in the UK anymore is missing out on media frenzies.

Last time I was home a certain Royal son had been spotted wearing a Nazi uniform. Shocking? Undoubtedly? Worth two weeks of front page hysterics? Course not.

Anyway, it now seems odd to peek at what's going on back there. Kate Moss in cocaine use shock! Is anyone really suprised by this? Please, just let it go.

Of course, here in Vietnam the very opposite is the case. Where do you go to avoid reading endless stories about Chicken/Avian Flu? Vietnam of course - the country, thus far most effected.

As ex-pats here though what we are getting is a string of instructions from our Embassies. VSO is also looking after us and keeping us informed. They're coughing up for a flu jab (it won't stop the chicken variety but if we get the jab and still get flu symptoms then it might be time to panic). We have also received little boxes of Tamiflu - to combat Avian if it becomes a reality.

Meanwhile, try as I might I can't find a single media source or commentator that will tell me the likelihood of a epidemic - caused by the nightmare scenario of human to human spread of the disease.

Between the panic of the western media (MILLIONS WILL DIE!) and the Vietnamese media which largely ignores the issue - I cannot find a middle ground with a sensible suggestions.

And it worries me.

It worries me because if there is the slightest whisper of human-to-human spread of this disease - we'll see the great chicken race out of Vietnam. Because the aim, as I see it, will be for embassies to get all the ex-pats and tourists home before borders are closed to us and we are quarantined.

Will they wait around for scientific testing? Possibly not.

Meanwhile for organisations like KOTO losing the tourist buck will cost us a great deal. The same goes for every business and every employee in the tourist industry.

Fair enough, if the pandemic becomes a genuine reality then all measures necessary should be taken. But let's not scare ourselves into the chicken race.

I would hate to become part of the media overload on this. So, for the record, if you're planning to visit Vietnam, then please come. In a country that loves to gossip and everybody knows everyone else's business - I am yet to even hear of a brother's friends, sister's mum's maid's cousin twice removed coming down with Avian. Not one case. Not even a rumour.

Right now - in the absence of anyone who is willing to state on record the likelihood of a pandemic - Vietnam is still way to good to miss.

Oh and KOTO's Indian Chicken Masala is still one of Hanoi's greatest meals.

A blog for your thoughts

As the halfway mark in my two year VSO stint in Vietnam with KOTO flies by, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what next.

In ten months I'll be out of a job here. So what do I do then?

I've never once stopped loving Vietnam. But in a way this makes the possibility of my leaving even greater. I never want to tire of this place and I would hate to ever get bored of it.

And of course there may be an option to stay with KOTO. If this was the case then it would be hard to turn my back. There's also the thought that I could make Vietnam my permanent home - but any level of permanancy, to my mind, requires commitment not just to being here but also to building a life here. Do I want to build anything permanent?

And, of course, there are thoughts of going home but that all seems so drab compared to the adventure I have been living here. Could I go back to offices and office politics? Won't it all seem so unimportant?

And there is the third option of taking some time out. Traveling, visiting home and then simply signing up for another two years with VSO.

To be honest, that seems the most appealing option right now. I worry, though. I worry that Hanoi and Vietnam have been so perfect that nothing will ever live up to this. Can there be a better placement in the world than Hanoi?

This transient life is a strange one. A social life that flourished when I first arrived has died a death simply because one by one friend's leave. After a while the thought of "getting out there" and making new friends just seems less than appealing. It's like living in a permanent freshers week? So..where are you from? Where are you working? Any idea where I can buy size 11 men's shoes?

I'm worried more about the fact that I don't really want to socialise, more than I worry about my lack of socialising. I live on my own now and I love my flat. And freetime is just spent..well.. pottering. Taking a spin on my bike around the Old Quarter. Buying and catching up on DVD box sets. Inventing missions for myself - "hmm I think I need a chopping board - where might I find a chopping board?" etc etc

Is this it? And if it is then do I want more of this if I carry on this lifestyle of not settling down.

Bearing in mind the numbers of young people here, teaching, volunteering, studying etc - you would be suprised by how few couples there are who have met their other halves here. No one is looking to get attached to anything - people or jobs.

And that all feels fine really. But is that fine forever?

Adapating to local culture here has been relatively easy. What has suprised me is that it has been the ex-pat life that seems the most difficult to get the hang of.

And if this is what it's like living in the relatively cosmopolitan Hanoi - what would a small village in Africa be like, if that were to be my next option?

As ever - too many thoughts and not enough answers. I remember Dave Stewart once complaining he had something called "Paradise Syndrome". Apparently, that is when you're life is so good your brain starts inventing problems.

Because life IS good. Very good. As ever I just need to be content with that. For the time being at least.

* Pic above is of country kids on the route of the upcoming Ba Vi bike ride. It's 80ks with all proceeds going to KOTO. Check it out. www.kotobikeride.com

What's going on?

Okay I can't contain my curiousity any more.

Over the last week i've received over 200 visits from the Australian Academic and Research Unit.

Just wondered why? Am I being stalked or studied?

I mean...good to have you pop by. And you're more than welcome. But 200 visits - often the same page over and over again.

Just wondered that's all.